This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.
A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.
Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic? She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing. But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great. She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success. So - what gives?
His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear. Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles. He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses. You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on. Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered. He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit. That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.
I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way. I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did.
It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this. But no one ever told me. I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes. No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.
I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed. I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to. No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to. I guess I just didn’t know. I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.
I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.
I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.
So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while. But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not. Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.
This post is one of those things that I will reblog every time it appears on my dash. This is so important, and no one ever tells you about it.
I almost didn’t read this but then I did and I’m really glad that I did.
“The Agenda” puts black women with every race but black men. Instills that black men have little to no worth or are unworthy of affection from black women. Placed in every form of media.
That’s incorrect.
You see black women going outside their race as a reflection of lack of worth of black men. When really it is black women going to people who love and appreciate them. Which I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately and likely for the last couple decades that black men are not doing effectively.
Black men were the ones first to leave for interracial relationships. Which upheld this “agenda” that black women “have little to no worth or are unworthy of affection from” black men. (Which by the way is consistently seen in media especially through celebrities and athletes as so many seek out white women but that’s another topic.)
Black men are also some of the first ones to push colorist agendas, and are highly critical of black women (appearances, behaviors, etc). So it really shouldn’t be surprising that black women who grew up not being wanted by black men do not end up in romantic relationships with black men. The idea that black women should only be with other black men is an unfair expectation.
Black women want to be loved, appreciated and adored. They will seek romantic relationships where they are experiencing those things no matter the race.
That part.
But also system racism. Bigger picture guys. That’s why I do not knock my black women for who they date. I get to see first hand how I am not liked by my own people. Black women can do whatever the fuck we like because we are the most hated in humanity.
Black men want black women so we can make black babies so we can keep the black community/culture alive. What’s hard to understand?
No other race culture is being advertised in the media to date outside their race so aggressively but the black race.
So we’re only worth something if we give you babies? Ok. Let’s not forget to mention the percentage of Black women that date outside our race is actually low. Meanwhile, Black men get to galavant around taking pictures in cotton fields with white women. Black men called Serena Williams a man and dehumanized her for years. They have no right to get upset that she went and married a white man when they are the reason it happened in the first place. You are the cause of your own downfall. Not us.
What’s more pro-black than marrying your black counterpart?
It’s crazy how i say ABC and people go about hearing “XYZ” deliberately adding connotations to what I’m saying without getting actual clarification. Thats not how you debate a point. For everyone in the notes that didnt read with they emotions.
What im addressing is more than emotions and feelings. The issue is about why is our culture the only culture to be pressed to examination without solutions. And even still we are divided by petty discussions and still no action to restore the black families. Women are OBVIOUSLY more than baby factories idk where that projection came from but we aren’t gonna talk about that.
Whats important to look at here is why is there an agenda to diminish black families by making the black community segregated within themselves from the men to the women and then suggesting “date outside yours race” WHY?
When majority of black men are doing the actual work to be enough for the black women.
And yet here we are with personal opinions and feelings instead of solutions.
We (men) want our kids to be 100% black. Not no damn 50% but what you expect men to do? Just say “fuck it and die without children?”
Y'all niggas trippin and pride is worse sin of all that goes to both men and women
I'ma ask it again for the ones in the back
Whats more “PRO-black” than marrying your black counterpart?
Majority of black men arent doing the work that’s the problem. It’s giving very bare minimum. Black men often look at black women as something to consume, to own, to control.
You are not pressed about black men going after every race of girl outside of black women and you’re justifying it (btw the justification is debunking your point of pro black because if a man is truly pro black [by your definition of pro black] he wouldn’t have gone outside his race to have kids in the first place but anyway). Yet you’re feeling upset about black women being in interracial relationships/being seen in interracial relationships in media. Okay.
Interracial couples are not what is pressing and dividing the black community. Read that again. I’m not going to say there aren’t forces at play to break up black unification, there are. However thinking interracial dating is the issue and then trying to push the issue on black women when you really should be focusing on black men is wild to me.
Also it’s the way you mention wanting to debate but are gaslighting the women who replied to you. Yea okay.
lukewarm take but i personally do not give a shit if poor people cheat a system that was designed to fail them anyways. i also coincidentally do not enjoy the taste of boot rubber
my new roommate said that her last roommate had an eating disorder and then talked to me about her clean eating and weight loss goals and how she buys clothes that are a little snug to motivate her to lose more
and like honestly? i have anorexia but this is why i constantly talk about the dangers of the “health and fitness” industry and diet culture bc we have essentially normalized certain symptoms of disordered eating but it’s ok if it’s under the guise of health i guess???
like how is calling it “clean” eating NOT a way to moralize food
how is intermittent fasting NOT the same thing as skipping meals
how come when i buy clothes that don’t fit, it’s something i have to tell my therapist about because it means i am putting pressure on myself to fit into them, but if a “normal” person does it then it’s just motivation for them?
where is the fucking line???
and more importantly when are we going to start acknowledging that the entire world is pro-ana but that’s too harsh of a description so we slap some health buzzwords on it to make it palatable
when are we going to take responsibility for encouraging disordered behavior instead of labeling those of us with EDs as the crazy/imbalanced ones
your fucking Whole30 or keto or whatever “clean” diet you’re on is just as restrictive as the diets we create for ourselves due to our disorders. but we are the crazy ones, right
